The art of the deal. Queen’sland edition

The definitive How To guide for negotiation was originally published in 1987. By any objective measure, it’s long due an update.

Just like with the proliferation of different editions of the board game Monopoly (London, Paris, Harry Potter, S&M Fetish, etc.), we therefore bring you a précis of The Art Of The Deal; Queen’sland Edition.

Chapter One – Understand Your BATNA

The Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement is your backstop. What’s the least you can live with if the other party doesn’t come to the negotiating table?

Some might say, in the example of negotiating a deal to bring The Olympics to your city, the BATNA is to simply walk away. After all, there’s plenty of risk associated with these events, it’s been a long time since one turned a profit and don’t have cost blow outs. The current games is going to cost the Japanese taxpayers at least $1.5bn.

Obviously, the collective brainpower of the Australian state of Queen’sland will ensure this fate doesn’t apply to them.

Fortunately, Premier Anna didn’t need to exercise her BATNA as hosting the Olympics is an excellent boost for the large country town city of Brisbane and there will definitely be no negative consequences during the remainder of term in office, or indeed at all.

Chapter Two – Know Your Opponents

In the case of the bidding process for the 2032 Olympics, this chapter is a short one; Brisbane was the last city standing.

This chapter of the book has a small footnote written in 0.1 size text and white font on a white background. Helpfully, we’ve expanded and darkened the text here:

If you find yourself the only buyer in an auction, consider the possibility the non-bidders have one more data point than you.

Chapter Three – Ink The Deal

This must be done in person. Jump the queue for a vaccine, take an expensive flight, go back on your word to not attend any ceremonies or events and take up a room in hotel quarantine that otherwise would have been wasted on a person who perhaps wanted to say goodbye in person to a dying relative.

Chapter Four – Hearts and Minds

Signing the deal is just the start, now you must sell the benefits to all important stakeholders. It’s probably a good idea to downplay any negatives such as setting Greece up for a terrible GFC or the $2bn loss for the Rio games.

Fortunately, Anna has set herself up for success already by bringing thousands of Australians together in a united cause.

Chapter Five – Two Envelopes

All deals will eventually get into difficulties. Fortunately for Anna, any minor problems such as taking on massive debt will be experienced by her political successor. Perhaps she will give them two envelopes when she leaves office?

Bill’s Opinion

Let’s face it, the Olympics is mainly a bollocks collection of boutique “sports” nobody ever pays to watch ordinarily.

Other than the 100m final, the rugby sevens and the hilarious “female” weightlifting featuring Lauren Hubbard, I won’t be bothering watching.

If my assumption that we are living in the post freedom age is correct, the people of Queen’sland may find themselves holding a very expensive event with no overseas spectators.

Queen’sland; the smart state.

5 Replies to “The art of the deal. Queen’sland edition”

  1. Glad I necked a bottle of pinot noir earlier over lunch watching women’s softball and 55kg class taekwondo (or however it’s spelt, Apple won’t help me out with that red dot line thingy), else this article would’ve really depressed me! Surely Our Anna has not done us any such misfeasance?

  2. Dammit, wife was hoping to assign our family’s $3k olympics tax towards a new sofa for what’s supposedly our “sitting room”… but I tell her there are chairs in this fkn house I still have never actually sat in! Sounds like the joke’s on me, yet again…

  3. As a person resident near country towns for a lifetime may I express some doubts about either the intelligence or sanity of anyone who refers to a place with a resident population of 2.6 million people as a country town. With another 1.2 million in the surrounding districts. Unlimited opportunities for oncers there.

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