Gonna sleep down in the parlor
And relive my dreams
I’ll close my eyes and I wonder
If everything is as hollow as it seems
When you think that you’ve lost everything
You find out you can always lose a little more
I been to Sugar Town, I shook the sugar down
Now I’m trying to get to heaven before they close the door
Last year’s predictions weren’t too far off the mark, with the minor exception of missing a global pandemic and subsequent complete overreaction by practically every national government…..
“Other than that, Mr Waite, how was your holiday in Beirut?”
On to this year’s predictions then:
Internal borders will continue to open and close like a hooker’s legs throughout the year. The two week quarantine for international travellers will remain all year.
An Australian university will threaten to declare bankruptcy and will be bailed out by the federal or a state government.
An interviewee will point out to a Sky News Australia talking head that they can’t simultaneously berate Dan Andrews for his response to Kung Flu whilst complaining the rest of the world are overreacting to a virus with a 99.93% survival rate.
Kamala Harris will take over the presidency from a medically-impaired Joe Biden. For this selfless act of bravery, she will will receive the Nobel Peace Prize.
A proxy war between China and the western powers will be fought in SE Asia.
The USA will return to the Iran nuclear deal. Somewhat related, mysterious explosions will continue to occur at various locations in Iran followed by an innocent face and shrug of the shoulders in Jerusalem.
The UK will have a new Prime Minister, most likely Dishy Rishi Sunak or Liz Truss.
An EU-sceptic party will win an election outright or by enough to form a coalition government in one of the 27 states.
The trial of Ghislaine Maxwell will result in weasely apologies and withdrawal from public life of several high profile figures.
A Black Lives Matter leader will be arrested for embezzlement and fraud.
The new “Trump TV” internet channel will overtake CNN’s viewing figures within a week of being launched.
As crowds return to sports matches, nobody will kneel before kick off for fear of ridicule.
A new hedonistic and illegal music/dance/drugs genre will emerge as teenagers and twentysomethings kick out against the societal restrictions. It will be inspirational for about as long as the northern hemisphere summer lasts and then it will crash and burn.
Alec Baldwin launches a charity with Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King to help sufferers of the newly identified condition, TransEthnic.
Harry and Megan Windsor-Markle’s podcasts and Netflix output is quietly dropped due to awful listening/viewing figures.
England wins the Grand Slam in the Six Nations.
The British and Irish Lions tour will go ahead in empty stadia and will be won 2-1 by South Africa.
The Olympics will also go ahead but will be a dull collection of the sports you wouldn’t normally pay to watch, as always.
Gold will reach new highs and stay above $2,100 an ounce all year.
Bitcoin will reach $35,000 and also fall to $18,000 and back again.
Tesla will reach a market capitalisation of $1 trillion but you still won’t personally know anyone who owns one.
All major stock indices will have and maintain major rises.
Several major airlines will be nationalised.
Some serious, some jokingly serious.
On verra, on verra.