We’re gonna need a bigger shredder

Back when Jesus was but a young lad, we kicked this organ off with an examination of why reparations for slavery is a tempting idea but utter lunacy.

Ah, those halcyon days of early 2017 before the world as we knew it went absolutely insane.

Since then, the USA Democratic Party has continued down the road of investigating whether reparations make sense, debating it in Washington.

As we predicted, they are now running into huge issues which are unlikely to be ever resolved. The idea of generational guilt seems to be making a comeback, for example, with Senator Mitch McConnell being asked to “please explain” why two of his relatives five generations ago owned slaves?

To repeat, an apparently otherwise fully-functioning sentient member of the human race just asked someone to comment on the actions 150 years ago of someone with whom they share about 6.25% of DNA…..

Yes, that’s the road we’re on. And it gets worse from here, go back and read my original post on the subject to get an idea of what further lunacy we’ll have to endure. Sometimes slippery slopes have to slide a long way down before they achieve fallacy status.

To McConnell’s credit, he responded perfectly; pointing out the previous President was in the same genetic fix. 

It’s clear this is a bad idea that is going to hang around for sometime to come. The question sensible people should ask now is, what’s the risk to me and where’s the opportunity?

Bill’s Opinion

If you are an American reading this, it’s highly unlikely you currently know whether or not your ancestry passes the slavery purity test. It’s a risk and one which, if it transpires, will certainly cause difficulties for you should you work in politics.

Depending on how long this runs before it’s universally agreed to be daft, there’s a risk that regular people may take a hit (likely financial) if they are found to have had slave owner ancestors.

Actually, let’s clarify that last sentence; EVERYONE ALIVE TODAY has slave owning ancestors. Until William Wilberforce, it was the primary source of cheap labour across every continent throughout human history; if you won a battle against your enemies, you enslaved them. It was just the rule for hundreds of generations.

The amazing thing was that it was ever made illegal at all. Thank you, Christianity and the industrial revolution…..

Of course, the difference between my non-American slave-owning relatives and yours is that mine owned slaves before written records were widely kept. Lucky me.

In fact, it could be argued that people like me, the undocumented slave owning descendants, are the really evil ones because we are hiding in plain sight… No, let’s not give the radical left any more stupid ideas.

There is a silver lining though; there’s a business opportunity here. Every person of ambition who suspects there may be a skeleton in their cupboard from 150 years ago is likely to suddenly be in need of a “cleanskin” service. That is, every electronic and paper record from that era needs to magically disappear like an Epstein flight manifest.

So, this is a call for expressions of interest for funds for my new business venture, Slave Ownership Records Removal Instantly, or SORRI for short.

Our initial start up seed money will be spent on flame-throwers (for the libraries), large degaussing equipment (for data centres) and to pay the salaries of some hairy-arsed mercenaries to undertake the cleansing activities.





16 Replies to “We’re gonna need a bigger shredder”

  1. This raises many important questions for me, who should I be claiming reparations from and how far should I go back? Being descended from the doughty inhabitants of southern Britain should I be pursuing a claim on behalf of the Durotriges against Italy for the pain and suffering of being conquered and made a vassal state? Perhaps Denmark, Sweden and Norway for the hundreds of years of Viking raids, not to mention how many of the buggers decided to settle in Britain and start their own kingdoms, and of course France has no legal defense regarding the Norman invasion and the destruction of my ancestors Saxon way of life.

    1. I have a Norman surname.

      Speaking on behalf of all landed gentry of 1066, I’d like to let you know that you’d better keep your hand away from my wallet.

        1. I do like what my Dad, The Duke of Westminster said about it when asked;

          An FT reporter, working through a standard set of questions, once asked him what advice he’d give to young entrepreneurs keen to emulate his success.

          “Make sure they have an ancestor who was a very close friend of William the Conqueror,” he replied.

          1. I can claim direct descent from Billy the Konk, together with 99.99999% of all English-speaking people. And that’s just in the legal line, never mind the wrong side of the blanket. (Apparently I’m 43,561,277th in line for the throne.)

          2. Yeah, but I’ve got the Norman surname rather than some dodgy kaas-kopp one, so I’m in front of you in the queue….

  2. I think we should challenge the lawfulness of the abolishment of slavery, and once we get it overturned. We launch the mother of all class actions for damages due to slave owners and their descendants, adjusted for inflation and with interest.

    I can prove that it was unlawfully, in equitable and un-Christian like to abolish it.

    1. “We launch the mother of all class actions for damages due to slave owners”.

      That actually happened!

  3. If you haven’t read it I recommend Coleman Hughes on this subject in Quillette and listening to him on the Quillette and listening to him on the Quillette and Faith Column podcasts. A young man wise beyond his years.

  4. A more constructive response to the issue of reparations for American slavery is to offer to restore them as if they had never left Africa.

  5. If my ancestors ever owned slaves, then they were responsible for those slaves and their numerous descendents enjoying a European rather than an African standard of living, complete with access to enlightenment values and the world’s greatest culture. These days you can probably get a grant for seeding that kind of social change, and I’m happy to have it back-dated.

    1. I’m pretty certain I can prove I have ancestors who were indentured servants and farm workers and it’s a straightforward exercise to find their “owners’” ancestors (they generally have names beginning with “De”).

      This generational guilt and debt idea is not going to end well.

  6. The basic premise of practically every TV sitcom is the master-slave role reversal of Plautine comedy. Just wait till his descendants wake up and claim for reparations. They would end up owning Netflix, Hollywood and most of California.

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