Are you dead? Call 1300 “CROAKED” to let us know

Australian insurer and provider of post-life financial services, (advertising tagline; “Everyone plans for retirement, but life doesn’t have stop afterwards*“), have started to make amends for some local difficulties they experienced in 2018. Namely, charging customers they knew were dead already for financial services. How many? 3,124 stiffs.

What form does this attempt to recover a little reputation make things right take?

A telephone number.

Not just a regular telephone number though, but a traffic cone hotline. No, hang on, that’s something else. No, they’ve implemented a hotline where dead people can call in to notify AMP that they no longer require their financial services due to a lack of breathing.

Ok, the grieving relatives can call too.

Bill’s Opinion

This seems to be solving the wrong problem; presumably, if 3,124 people who AMP knew were dead already were still being charged, the problem wasn’t so much an issue of notification but of doing the right thing with that information afterwards?

Hotblack Desiato famously took a year off, dead, for tax reasons.

One can imagine the transcript of the call with his accountant during that period;

“AMP death hotline, my name is Kylie, how can I help you today?”

“Hello, this is Norbert Young, of Young and Earnest Accountants. I represent Mr. Desiato, one of your clients. I’d like to inform you that, although he is recently deceased, it’s only a temporary condition and therefore would like to continue with his current arrangements with your organisation”.

“Oh, erm that’s not on my information sheet workflow. Let me check with my supervisor, (…..long pause), thanks for holding, Mr. Young. My supervisor says Mr. Desiato will need to inform us of this personally. Could you put him on the line, please?”

“Yes, of course. Handing the phone over now.”

(Very long silence)

Congratulations AMP, this is definitely the shot in the arm the share price needed.

* “Biologically, yes it does. The value of your investment may fall as well as rise.

Your property may be at risk if you secure a loan against it.

AMP is regulated by the Australian Regulator of Spiritualist Enterprises.”

5 Replies to “Are you dead? Call 1300 “CROAKED” to let us know”

  1. I rolled over my investment property portfolio into their High Net Worth no fills interest only loan package, its incredibly competitive, no cross securitisation and the best loan product on the market I would say. Totally low maintenance as well and I would recommend it to any of your readers.

    I like the cut of their new CEO’s jib as well.

        1. Oh, ok. Does “free advertising” mean “boasting to strangers on the internet” in Sarf Lahndan speak, then?

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